Only Human
by sparkycola1
Summary: Harper angst plus harperbeka friendship. The two are reminded why their friendship is so important.


**Only Human**

Title- Only Human

Disclaimer- The world and characters of Andromeda are not mine. Must we keep rubbing it in?

Summary- Harper angst and Harper/Beka friendship piece to make up for the lack of it on the show.

Rating- hmmmm...PG-13 for themes

Spoilers- Only basics you should know by now but technically Ouroborus and well basically season 3 but no specific spoilers.

Special thanks to GordonAI for beta'ing and GMW for promising to come back and hugging me!

* * *

Beka looked up as Harper entered cautiously.

"Privacy Mode"

"Privacy Mode engaged."

Ok, he had her attention. She looked at him intrigued, but he said nothing and just stood looking hesitant.

"Harper I'm not Rhade so why are you ....what did you do?"

Beka folded her arms.

"Nothing!"

His previous uncertainty lost to indignation he blurted out his reason for being there.

"I just came to ask you...something."

He paused, trying to find the right words.

"Well what is it? Since when have you been scared of asking me a question?"

"Exactly. That's it boss..."

He sighed in frustration.

"I mean...are we still friends?"

Beka laughed and looked at him in astonishment. When she realised he wasn't joking, she too became serious.

"Of course! - wh- ?"

"It's just recently. Well for a while. It's just I don't know if it's just me- It probably is I mean it usually is but I just well you kind of recently you...."

"Harper..."

He took a breath and thought carefully before he spoke.

"You just seem distant. Sure all the others are distant too but it's just I thought we were-"

"We are friends Harper! In fact we're family. I know we haven't spent much time together, but you know you can talk to me anytime?"

"Not anymore." he mumbled sadly.

Beka, surprised and if she was honest somewhat hurt, said nothing as she let the words sink in. Something flickered in her memory and she looked closely at her friend. She had never noticed before how tired he'd looked recently, and there was a definitive sadness behind his eyes.

"Harper you can talk to me whenever you need to, or at least Trance..."

"Not anymore! This Trance doesn't like me as much as purple Trance, besides-"

"Harper please- with everything you've been through recently...you know you have to talk to someone..."

"Why?! Do you talk to anyone?!"

"I haven't just had to live out my worst nightmare, and anyway at least 70% of my childhood was actually quite happy which is more than you can say. Talk to someone, you know-"

"Yeah I know I know...but all you guys just...you think I'm pathetic and you know what? You're right! Rhade's Nietzschean; Captain Terrific is half heavy gravity worlder; Rommie's an android, Andromeda herself is a warship, you have genetically enhanced reflexes and Trance- Trance is a future predicting, overall mysterious babe and what do I have? Nothing but a weak immune system and a capacity for getting into trouble to hold the rest of the crew back."

Beka was still watching him in concern, and said, in a matter of fact way:

"Harper you know you're a genius."

"Big deal, Andromeda is a million times smarter than me."

"But you have something she doesn't have- can't have. Imagination and ingenuity! That's why she needs you- that's what has saved us on countless occasions."

She pushed back painful memories as far as she could.

"Harper you go through more that any of use – people take advantage of the fact you're only human, but you always come through! I know I've been genetically enhanced...in some areas, but Seamus you are stronger inside than anyone I know."

He scoffed.

"Yeah right, Dylan-"

"Seamus listen to me. It's easier to be strong inside when you grew up in a cosy commonwealth universe on Tarn Vedra with a natural advantage in physical strength. You come through everything, and I know you can get through anything. Most people would have been irrevocably traumatised from the very beginning let alone what's happened since Earth."

She put a hand on his shoulder and looked him in the eye with a significance that he understood.

"I know you think no one understands what you go through, but ... Harper please, don't hide what you feel."

She pleaded with him.

"I don't want to lose you, and I could never live myself if I thought it was my fault...again..."

"Beka it's ok- and for the record it wasn't your fault. It was my fault."

He pulled her into a hug.

"Besides I promised remember? That promise was the only thing that stopped me when I was....infested."

Beka choked slightly and realised she was crying. Embarrassed she withdrew and wiped her eyes hastily.

"You never told me you..."

"I'm sorry boss...I didn't mean to..."

He choked on his words and left when Beka turned away. They had both forgotten until this conversation.

* * *

Beka stopped walking along the corridor of the Eureka Maru and listened. Without clanking footsteps it was definite, and she went to investigate the muffled sobs emanating from Engineering. What she found chilled her to the core. Harper was lying on the floor, beaten up and drunk and with several empty bottles of tablets beside him.

"Harper!" she practically screamed in horror.

His eyes glazed over slightly and he went into a sort of fit. She ran to him and held him still until it passed. When it did, and his eyes closed, she was devastated to think he was dead, but she felt a weak pulse and spoke urgently to him.

"Harper stay with me, I'll get help, just stay with me, please Seamus..."

She sprang up and ran out of the Maru looking for help on the planet they were on. She ran for what seemed like an eternity, asked people desperately, but nobody would help. She knew there would be little she could do for him if she didn't find help, and soon. She knew she was running on adrenaline, she hadn't slept well recently at all, Vex Pag had died only last month, and now the person who had supported her the most was dying too. After hours of searching, and hours of building hatred for the xenophobic, cold people on the planet who refused to help, she knew it was too late and returned to her dead friend, crying. She had only known him a year, but she couldn't help but be enormously fond of him. He had made her laugh, been there for him every time Bobby left, even if he was a little icy every time he returned...he'd been steadfastly loyal to her. On top of this she knew the Eureka Maru's heart would break when she found out her favourite engineer, the one who had kept her going, fixed her, improved her system's dramatically had...killed himself. The words seemed strange to her. He was always the energetically enthusiastic one. Now all she had were Bobby and Rev Bem.

When she entered Engineering, half wishing she'd never left him to die alone, she froze and immediately pulled out her gun. The stranger put up her hands.

"Get away from him!"

"I was just trying to help...he..."

Before Beka could reply to the innocent looking purple girl, she heard Harper stirring. In relief and astonishment she ran to him.

"Seamus? Can you here me?"

She glanced briefly at the now smiling stranger who quickly put her hands up again.

"Who the hell are you?"

"I'm Trance Gemini nice to meet you."

She held out a hand but Beka wasn't looking at her anymore.

"Seamus talk to me, say something."

"...I'm sorry boss..." , he managed to choke out.

"I didn't mean to...make you ...cry..."

"Harper! Tell me you didn't mean to kill yourself! Tell me this was an accident!"

He looked to the floor.

"I can't." , he mumbled sadly.

"Harper, please. Promise you won't do this again! I just lost Vex Pag and I need you, now more than ever, God knows the Eureka Maru needs you."

It had taken several days for her to properly extract that promise from Harper. Trance was gladly hired as a medical officer, even though she evaded questions on how she knew there was a stranger dying in an engineering room of a ship somewhere she just happened to be passing. When Harper asked why she had saved him she merely said 'I'm a helpful person...' and left it at that. Beka struggled for weeks to find out exactly why Harper had done what he had and she realised he'd been keeping a lot inside. She got the feeling that Harper had just about enough room inside to lock away all that had happened to him on Earth, but anything else was pushing it. She had to work out for herself the kind of psychological abuse Bobby put Harper through on a regular basis, and the almost daily physical pain he put him through, with significant yet subtle persuasion from Trance to open her eyes to what Bobby was really like. She talked to him about it, and that was that. Harper and Trance became close quickly and it wasn't until she found Harper and Bobby in a stand off against each other, each with their weapon drawn that she realised she would have to choose between them.

"That's it, you can treat me like crap but don't touch Trance!"

"Beka...you're crew are paranoid! I didn't touch her!"

From the look on Trance's face which gave away the truth of the situation as she hid behind Harper, she booted him off for good.

"Harper this isn't Earth, nobody is allowed to treat my crew 'like crap' ok?"

He looked at her in barely concealed confusion, despite nodding as if he understood. She sighed.

"Things are different in Space you know that-"

"Boss I can stand up for myself! If I didn't I'd be dead by now, I just didn't tell you because Bobby was your boyfriend and I'm just a mudfoot you picked up a year ago. You would have chucked me off the ship!"

Beka's face betrayed her guilt, she knew what Harper had said would have been true a few months ago.

"Maybe at first...but it's different now. You're as good a friend to me as Rev now, and Bobby's gone for good this time."

He rolled his eyes.

"No I mean it!"

When he finally opened up to her, Beka knew what he was doing was important. Nobody could hold that much pain inside them and not be affected by it. She noticed the difference in his attitude as well and realised with shame, that she'd been so self-absorbed before as not to notice how fake his happiness had been before.

* * *

But she had forgotten; and that night she lay awake for hours with guilt, until finally falling into a restless sleep.

Awaking from the nightmare of those events, she got up knowing she would be unable to go back to sleep that night.

She opened the door, and Harper, crouched against the wall opposite her door stood up.

"I'm sorry Beka, for then and now."

"Promise again."

"I promise boss."

"Harper-"

"I promise I won't try and...kill myself. Again. Happy now?" , he mumbled, embarrassed.

She pulled him into a hug, then they sat down in the corridor where they were and talked.

_The End._

**Please r and r? pleaaaaaaasssssseee? pleeeeeeeease? I'll give you free sparkycola?**


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